


tongue tied

by starvels (dinosaur)



Series: continuing drabblefest [6]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, F/F, Major Illness, Relationship Negotiation, Tony Stark Guilt Complex, Trans Characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-28 05:21:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18749830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinosaur/pseuds/starvels
Summary: Steve's in a hospital bed because of Tony. They both know it and yet, they're still arguing about it.





	tongue tied

**Author's Note:**

> a billion things have happened in my life, sorry for all the dropped balls but here i am ! gonna continue this drabble series no matter what lmfao. thanks for sticking around. 
> 
> this is for the prompt: passion fruit curd.

 

 

Curd.

Nasty word for a nasty thing.

Chewing, lodging, gumming up. Mold on the sharp thorned tongue of hungry hearts.

It’s stupid, Tony thinks.

Then reminds herself, no, it’s not that it’s stupid. It’s that _she’s_ stupid. Always that. Too stupid smart for her own good – for anyone’s good.

Particularly for Steve’s.

Her eyes burn.

“Would you,” Steve breathes in, breathes out carefully, like weighing her patience in the scales of her lungs, “please stop?”

Tony ignores her.

No point, because it’s Tony that came to Steve’s room and Steve that’s hooked up to an oxygen tank and Steve that’s slowly dying of 201 things that mostly are stupid, stupid, or are Tony – which is to say stupid.

“Tony,” Steve says, quietly, voice nearly gone. Not on pleading, but just nearly gone.

One day, Tony will say something and Steve will have no vocal chords to respond with.

“You couldn’t have known,” Steve takes a sharp rattling breath, finishes low, “’Never know.”

“Should have checked,” Tony says, finally, shortly, “Know to check.”

Allergy list as long as Tony’s leg. Drug interaction list double that.

“Human,” Steve reminds her.

Tony doesn’t feel human.

She feels monster stupid.

The hospital sheets feel strange against her clumsy fingers, no matter how often she touches them. It feels like she spends days like this. Trying to create a home for Steve out of thin scratchy whiteness. Trying to get used to Steve – Steve on top of the art world, back alley bruiser, whipcord thin, toilet paper bloody nose and giggling – here, not healing in this place that’s supposed to heal.

And then, Steve gets out and Tony – does – this.

Someone’s going to ask, and what’s Tony going to say?

 _Hi, this is my girlfriend whom I poisoned,_ Tony thinks hysterically _, trying to make homemade valentine’s candy for. I have yet to give her a present that hasn’t hurt her because I’m a fucking fuck up who fucks_ –

“Fuck up,” Tony says, shouting in her own head at herself, managing to keep a tiny amount of placid civility in her voice.

“Not,” Steve shakes her head, just a bit.

The tendons on her neck are steel cords, still.

“Am,” Tony shrugs, tries not think about the actual metal plate they had to put in Steve’s shoulder last month, the ragged red of scar that just won’t heal, peeking out from her hospital gown.

“I’m too tired, Tony,” Steve whispers. “Please.”

Tony feels like barfing. “I know,” she says, “I’m sorry.” Sorry, sorry, sorrysorry –

Sharing her head, Steve sighs, just a bit, eyes drooping. She doesn’t have energy to fight and that shouldn’t cut at the wick of Tony. Steve’s so much more than this collection of metal rails and blinking lights.

“’Love you,” Steve mumbles, as her eyes focus and unfocus.

“I love you,” Tony says, helpless.

Nasty words, Tony’s brain hisses at her, for a nasty thing.

She shuts her eyes and presses her forehead to Steve’s blanket covered hip. God, fuck. Her bones are so _sharp_ , she really couldn’t afford to drop these 7 pounds.

A sob catches in her throat.

Steve’s fingers try to tangle in Tony’s hair, can’t quite manage, and fall to rest on top of her head anyway. Tony ought to be stronger, she thinks. The world ought to be kinder.

But she’s not and it isn’t.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> post for this fic [[here]](https://starvels.tumblr.com/post/184724031331/) and tag for this series [[here]](starvels.tumblr.com/tagged/drabblefest). 
> 
> thanks for reading! < 3


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